Viermalvier.de, das Geländewagenportal Foren viermalvier markenunabhängiger talk OFF-TOPIC Witzeecke

Sie: "Was hat denn da gestern Nacht so im Hausflur gescheppert?"
Er: "Meine Schuhe sind umgefallen!"
Sie: "Aber das macht doch nicht so nen Lärm?!?"
Er: "Doch, ist stand noch drin..."

Fragen:

1) Wenn Autofahren verboten ist, nachdem man etwas getrunken hat, warum haben Bars und Kneipen Parkplätze?

2) Wenn ein Laden 24 Stunden am Tag an 365 Tagen im Jahr geöffnet hat, warum hat er dann ein Schloss an der Tür?

3) Warum muss man für den Besuch beim Hellseher einen Termin haben?

4) Warum ist einsilbig dreisilbig?

5) Warum glauben einem Leute sofort, wenn man ihnen sagt, dass es am Himmel 400 Billionen Sterne gibt, aber wenn man ihnen sagt, dass die Bank frisch gestrichen ist, müssen sie draufpatschen?

6) Warum besteht Zitronenlimonade größtenteils aus künstlichen Zutaten, während in Geschirrspülmittel richtiger Zitronensaft drin ist?

7) Wenn Schwimmen schlank macht, was machen Blauwale falsch?

8) Wenn Maisöl aus Mais gemacht wird, wie sieht es mit Babyöl aus?

Differences Between Man and Women

Names
If Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara.
If John, Brad, Tony and Daniel go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
When the bill arrives, John, Brad, Tony and Daniel will each throw in $20, even though the total is only $34.25. None of them will have any smaller bills and none will admit they want change back.
When Mary, Susan, Claire and Barbara get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

Money
A man will pay $10 for a $5 item he needs.
A woman will pay $5 for a $10 item that she doesn't need, because it's on sale.

Bathrooms
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, razor, shaving cream, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Motel 6.
The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is 328. The average man would not be able to identify most of them.

Arguments
Women always have the last word in an argument. Anything a man adds after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Cats
Women love cats.
Men may say they love cats, but when women are not looking, will men kick cats.

Future
A woman worries about the future -- until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future -- until he gets a wife.

Success
A successful man is one who makes more money than can be spent by his wife.
A successful woman is one who can find that a man.

Marriage
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

Dressing Up
A woman will dress up when she goes shopping, empties the garbage, answers the phone, waters the plants, gets the mail and reads a book.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

Natural
Men wake up looking as good as when they went to bed.
Women will somehow deteriorate during the night.

Children
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about their best friends, romances, secret hopes and dreams, favorite foods, fears and dental appointments. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Thought for the Day
Married men should forget their mistakes. There is no need for two people to remember the same thing.

zum Thema Mann/Frau passt auch der hier ganz gut:



Bild ausgeliehen

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a knock at the door.When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man,clutching a clipboard and yelling,"You sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder."You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look mate, you've obviously got the wrong bloke.", and shuts the door. The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit annoyed by now, so he shoves the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, you've got the wrong bloke! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door again. The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinaman thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper. He stands up to the little man and says to him, "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?" The little Chinese man looks at him very puzzled, consults his clipboard,and says: "You not Nissan Maindealer?"

Gerhard und Susanne

haha .. südafrikanische Witze hört man auch selten

prima

ALDI-Kassiererin zur Oma: "Brauchen Sie 'ne Tüte?"
Oma: "Nee, Fräulein, wenn ich jetzt kiffe, vergess' ich wieder die Hälfte."